So this evening me and my daughter were chilling after dinner, she was sat on the sofa with her face buried in her phone and I was laying on the floor making notes on a new positive shot. She asked me if I was writing an episode for the podcast which I wasn’t but needed to so I asked her what subject should I cover, and her response was quite simply ‘just be you’. Doesn’t really get much simpler does it? That truly is the bottom line to what I am trying to install into her, that all she ever needs to be in her life is ‘her’.
It’s a subject that may not actually be as clear cut as it sounds. Sometimes you may have to go on a bit of a journey to discover you. I don’t necessarily mean a month staked out on a sun lounger in Bali although that most certainly wouldn’y hurt the process, but I refer to the process we all go through to learn who we are and that only comes with time and experience. To know who you are and where you want to go out of the blocks is a pretty rare thing. For me I don’t think I have ever been as dialed into who I am and where I want to go as this place I am in now. That has taken some serious learning though, some harsh lessons but the liberating feeling of knowing not questioning who you are and what you want is incredible. Without trying you begin to project this powerful positive energy, a field of distinct confidence. It’s the confidence you emit when you don’t question yourself. A self belief. It spreads out to the people you interact with and are surrounded by. I suppose it is a certain immaturity that leads us to not be ourselves, maybe an insecurity or lack of confidence in ourselves that can make us adopt another persona. It’s being comfortable in you, I want my daughter to be confident in who she is as an individual, to understand that not all people will like you or what you do and that’s ok. The quicker we learn to stop trying to please everyone the easier life gets because you’ll never please everyone, not by a long shot. It’s quest doomed for failure. You have to aim to do things that please you, if your’e working on something you get pleasure from and makes you happy then you’re going to be so preoccupied in doing that you wont even consider having to pretend to be someone else. That is the beauty of it, happiness distracts you from falseness, it’s not even on your radar. If you are at peace with yourself, content and happy in your own skin then everything else just falls away. You wont entertain drama. I used to, I got caught up in paying attention to who said what about who, who was doing what with who. So much so that I lost sight of who I was.
Now it could be said things are mightily different, after a few life lessons smacking me around the chops several times my settings are completely different. I’m only interested in self improvement, helping those that also find themselves with questions and lessons that aren’t sure with how to process. Helping anyone I can through these channels.
Where I am now though with my life it is still a little bizarre, I witness people from my past checking up on me and what I am doing with my life. That’s all good though, life is all about doing what makes you happy. I am by default a very caring person but knowing that I am ‘being watched’ I don’t care at all. I guess my life just took a different path, I switched lanes and elevated myself from a horrible place and somewhere in doing that I rediscovered ‘me’. He was pretty beat up, a right mess in fact but everything was repairable, it always is. You can always get back up and each time you do it forges a stronger version of you.
Going back to today’s title, think about it. If you are not yourself for whatever reason, where do you draw the line? Are you someone else when you are with your partner? your family? your children? Surely you must be, if you can’t be at your absolute base level with them then you have got to ask the question why. I get that it is really common for people to not like themselves for a multitude of possible reasons, bullying, eating disorder, controlled, abused I myself am a little body dismorphic so I get it but you have to come to realize that who you are, whoever that might be, with every flaw, quirk and habits you should still be proud of you. Dropping the mask or shield frees you in so many ways, like one of my favorite lyrics by Ian Brown ‘when your halo slips for good you’ll have to wear your hood’. If you’re not you and the mask slips it’s going to leave a lot of people wondering who you actually are. Luckily for me I don’ have this issue, not now. I am me. Free.
What do you think is stopping you from being you? If it is a fear of being judged then I have a little secret to tell you, it doesn’t matter. Anyone wanting to judge you for whatever reason isn’t someone you need in your life. I have a hack that might work. Try this, ‘don’t care what anyone thinks of you’. That’s it, does that sound so crazy? because that’s all you need to do. Be the free spirit that is so comfortable in their own skin it makes them wonder why you’re so happy and at peace. You’re confidence will make them question everything and you will be oblivious as it wont even register with you. Their lives are just standing still, but they’ll find their way eventually.
I suppose in today’s age where everything is so heavily driven by how we are perceived and what we are doing or have it can seem like a scary challenge to just be you. There are a lot of pressures to have this, get that,go there but it is all front of house. It’s all superficial, nothing means anything if its merely a materialistic passion or craving. Look at the top of the spectrum, those so successful in their field, earning more money than I could spend on pizza in fifty lifetimes. They’ve pushed and pushed themselves to reach and achieve their goals, as we all should be doing. Once they have climbed to the peak their outlook changes. Think about as a visual, you climb to the top of a mountain to realize you goals and dreams. As you’re climbing all you can see in front of you is the rock face, occasionally you will reach a ledge where you get the opportunity to look down and see how far you’ve come. Then, one day you reach the summit, the very peak of the mountain top and what happens, there you have 360 degree panoramic view of the world. You can see everything, your view has completely changed. You stand on top of your achievement, all the blood sweat and tears, the long nights and early mornings but now everything is crystal clear. Now you see what is important, you have the experience and lessons learned along the way with you. You see these people that have achieved this move away from the materialistic, they start giving back, investing in people, in life. Now you don’t have to be anyone in particular to understand this. Anyone can dial in to this mindset. You have to tune into your self belief, you are going to spend a lot of time with yourself during your life so you may as well like yourself.
So I guess that is it really isn’t it. Don’t listen to everyone else, listen to that twelve year old girl that is starting to find her own place in this world. Like she says, just be you. Once you are you are going to like it and the knock on effect is that people, friends, family even strangers will sense your balance and feed off of it.
Be mindful of training yourself each morning. Have a look in the mirror and like what you see looking back at you.