Isn’t love just the best? What a feeling, that selflessness that consumes you when you’re in love. The wanting to please someone and make them happy, you put yourself in a place where you only want them to see the best side of you. That’s what you do right? Keep all those flaws and less desirable traits hidden away so they only get the wonderful you? Oh no, that doesn’t seem right, that seems a little out of sync there. Doing that would probably just bring about an awful implosion at some point. Either the mask slips or a historic behavioural pattern returns and it all comes crashing down. Either way, living like that is a time bomb.
What you have to do, now hear me out here as this might sound a little crazy..you have to be you, the real you. You have to lay yourself out there with all of those flaws, annoying habits and traits. Isn’t that just asking for trouble? How or why would anyone love you if they know everything about you? Well,how can they truly love you if they don’t know the real you? They aren’t going to be in love with you as they are not getting you. They will be getting to know and love the person you want to be, the person you want them to think you are. If nothing else that’s not really fair on them.
If you want love, that absolute body tingling love then that is built from the ground up and it all begins with you. We’ve spoken about loving that person looking back at you in the mirror. When you look at that person in the mirror you should see someone you love, you’re not going to see someone that is perfect but you should see a person that is in tune. Love your grey bits, love your wobbly bits, love those wrinkly bits. Every single cell is yours, it all builds and forms you. You wouldn’t be ‘you’ without them. Once you understand that, once you see the same person in that reflection then that is what other people will start to see. I’ve had so many people say to me ‘you seem different’. I’m not different I just accepted me for who I am and I love being me and I love who I am. It brings a freedom, a lightness. It’s not an arrogance it’s just self belief and a deep seeded contentment so don’t confuse that with being content in my career or life as I am always pushing myself and striving to achieve more. To reach my goals, acknowledge the work that went in to them to get me to that point then move the goals further forwards. So many people say they wished they had my confidence and self belief and all I need to respond with is to tell them is they don’t want mine, they need to discover their own.
Now me being in love with the person in the mirror doesn’t mean that love is waiting around the corner. Yes, I do attract a lot of attention but that isn’t where my focus is, but as and when it does I know as an individual I will be ready and more importantly comfortable enough to hand myself over to the cause. That’s where you need to be, be so at peace with yourself that it’s second nature not to hide things, not to put a mask on. We all have pasts too, we’ve all made mistakes, some of those we might feel people would judge us or see us differently should you find out. Then they would more than likely start to question a lot of things, start second guessing other behaviours. No one needs to live like that.
If you do go into everything you do in life with that level of self acceptance and openness then it’s weight removed. Look at it maybe like this, you don’t have to go around shouting all your mistakes and secrets from the rooftops without anyone asking you to, that’ll just make you look like a crazy attention seeker. Instead, with those skeletons in the closet that were hiding away for fear of judgement you merely took the doors off of the cupboard. Think about it, that way you are showing you are comfortable enough to admit you have made mistakes but also that you are not hiding from them or making excuses for them. For me that forms a happy medium. This is what I have adopted, there is no point me doing what I do and not being any other way and if nothing else I’m a working example of coming to terms with errors and more importantly saying that you accept them, accepting being human.
We know people project their guilt and shortcomings, as positive thinkers and self improvers we have to understand this and try to lead by example. Everyone finds their way in the end and turns that projection into reflection. Cut them a little slack.
So I guess all this leads on to is being you. You’re you when you’re sitting home alone on the sofa aren’t you, you’re being you when you’re with your family and friends too right? No need to be anything but yourself with any of those people. Exactly, so why apply any any other logic to the subject of love? Now personally I don’t believe you should be searching out love. For me it is something that should happen organically, if you are actively searching for something you can become blinkered and you can overlook certain things that maybe would cause a need for caution. Love is blind they say but I don’t think anyone has ever said it is stupid so you shouldn’t be either. A person in love with you can only truly be in love with you if that is what they are getting. You deserve the same, after all this is your life, no dress rehearsal or pilot episode. We hit the ground running and pay our tab at the end before checking out. It’s a hard fact I remind myself of now, why spend a single second doing something that isn’t making you happy? Obviously things happen out of our control and we can end up in unhappy places but it’s on us to work our way out of them. To re-establish our happiness. you don’t get perfection, that is unrealistic but it is realistic not to settle for anything short of a pure gut feeling. No question of trust, loyalty or any kind of grey area. Everyone deserves to not be in a bad place of love. It can eat away at you so move on from it, take away it’s lessons and evolve.
If your focus is on you, what you are doing and what you are working towards then without knowing you will be drawing like minded people towards you. People of the same interest or mentality, that’s how it works. Absolutely everything in life is energy and what you are tuned into is the energy you project and draw. People see it and feed off of it, not in a draining way but more of an amplifier. The key is to never lose sight of who you are and what you want to achieve, everything else pretty much drops into place. It might not be today or tomorrow but when it is meant to.
Love, true love starts with you, it begins with the belief in yourself. Firstly in understanding that you don’t ‘need’ anyone to have or achieve the life you want but it is who you ‘choose’ to share your life with. As wise man said to me many many times that we are a long time dead, that man was my father and he would’ve been seventy years old this year. He was right though, the bottom line is in the grand scheme of things our life is fleeting so we should cram as many laughs and adventures in as we can. Share your passions, listen to others talking about theirs and then go to bed each night thinking about how good it is to be alive and how much there is to look forward to.
Your life is now, today. Go live it.