Love: Part 1


I Thought I’d touch on this subject seeing as this will be hitting you right as the most romantic, love filled day in the calendar lands in our laps. I am talking of course about the one and the only Valentine’s Day.

Firstly, let’s take to one side everyone’s boo-hiss attitude to Valentines Day claiming it is just a corporate spin of the wheel to make money. Well yes, February 14th no doubt generates millions and millions and makes the bottom of some pages look very handsome. But strip that back and look at it’s core, it’s meaning. It is a day to express love, how beautifully simple is that? Let’s leave Valentines alone for a minute and talk about the body of the subject, love. Love is something incredible and how do you even begin to define it and what it means? What it does? I can only really give my opinion of love and what I think love means and what it should be. For me it is something that is quite heavily learnt, as a child you are an emotional sponge and your concept of everything including love is born from the environment you are brought up in. So for me  my Mum and Dad were teenage sweethearts, life long companions that still believed and upheld all of those traditional values. It’s then something as you get older you crave to replicate. Naturally I ballsed it up a couple of times along the way but the vision is something that is still very real to me. Still something that is absolutely achievable.

Not so long ago a friend of mine, that is an injustice to what she actually means to me. She is very much one of my best friends, a rock, a confident and I love her very much. She asked me if I would ever get married again and without hesitation, without a single thought I answered, yes. Yes I would because irrespective of a failed marriage, irrespective of a long term relationship virtually turning me to dust that vision, that notion is still something I want my life to have. It’s not a desperate quest, I’m not intending to farm myself out to the first person that shows interest but I will remarry when the time, and the person is right. For the right reasons  and quite simply that will be because I want to and it feels right.

Feel, that’s the word isn’t it, we feel love, we feel loved and can feel unloved but how, and why? I love the feeling of being in love. I’m one of the soppy romantics that puts notes on the dashboard before work, random flowers and regular foot rubs kinda guy. Doing things I know people will like makes me happy, the expression of my love, it’s what in my opinion makes the world go round. I ain’t no slave but just being thoughtful and caring just kind of rings my bell. A bit like Christmas. Now I’m not overly good at receiving gifts but the pleasure I get from getting someone a present I know they’ll love brings me incredible happiness. You never know I could even sell a batch of my guitars in order to do something nice for someone.. but love goes beyond the one person, the partner. I think of my family, my friends and my daughter.

How can you start to quantify the love a father has for his daughter? Especially one so incredible as mine. She literally has the world in her hands and she just needs to decide what she wants to do with it. That girls of mine blows my mind and honestly with the rough ride she has had of it, seeing me go through he mill I just hope she will come through it all unscathed and be able to define her version of love and what she wants. That is a concern of mine, that I have not provided her with a stable interpretation of love and a family unit. I know her mum has and hopefully as she gets older and enters the realm of dating (which is never by the way) she will see past the mistakes I made and draw form how I am now, draw from her mother and from both sets of her grandparents.

Love is some what of a double edged sword though, a love that has dies or is not reciprocated is terrible. So painful and can send you spiralling out of control. Yet going through things like that, experiencing the hurt of love actually serves to educate you to what love shouldn’t be. It’s like sifting for gold , you fill that pan up with rocks, mud, dirt and silt from life river bed then you have to shake it about and slowly, all of the waste, all of the things you don’t need fall through the holes back into the river. They’re the bits that someone else might sift and decide that they have struck it rich. Then eventually, hopefully there are a couple of nuggets of gold left in your pan. Iv’e learnt you have to wait until this point, until all of the silt has gone otherwise you can catch a glimpse of something that looks like the jackpot but is really just fool’s gold. Pretty, captivating yet ultimately worthless to you.

Again though love isn’t restricted to people or a unity of one to another. Love is infinite. Look at what the world and life can offer, what we can achieve. Look at what an amazing playground the world is. Hobbies, interests, sports, wildlife, nature. All things that we fall in love with in our lives. Do I even mention music? That is something that without exception touches us all. We all love a song, a band or an artist. It was music that gave me my first ever taste of love. In 1989 at home in North London my brother goes into his room and puts on a CD single that his friend had lent him. The Stone Roses: Fool’s Gold 9:53 and there I was, in love. In love with the sounds, the rhythm, the words. That moment forged the direction of my passion for the rest of my life. I learned the guitar, I joined and started bands, I wrote songs, I played gigs. There we go again, my brother! The love I have for him is colossal, he’s my hero. He gave me music, he gave me basketball and he gave me someone to look up to. Love is without boundaries. It fills every aspect of who we are. Hold on, that’s the force isn’t it? It is in every living thing, it’s all around us, it flows through us. Was George Lucas just rebranding love when he gave us Star Wars? Well done  George.

The examples are endless and the potential of love is infinite. That’s why I can’t really process it now when people abuse love. It’s a purity that survives the attempted taints. Love does conquer all, for example when my dad passed away, asides from my failing relationship running parallel, with all of the pain and sorrow I was feeling, the isolation and the sadness it wasn’t any of those emotions that won the day, it was love. Love overpowered the darkest time of my life and brought me back to the fight. I don’t think of my dad with sadness, I think of him with love.That is how it works, love is positive energy and it cannot be beaten.

It is transferrable, you can give so much love away at no cost, you can show gestures of love to complete strangers and not be drained. It is a well that doesn’t run dry. Those random acts of kindness that you can do that is showing love for your fellow man. Something I feel this world needs so much more of. So stop the bus for someone, hold the door open, pick up a bag of dropped shopping, smile. It costs nothing but a moment of your time and it could transform someone else’s day. Love is a gift, it is a free gift.

I love love and even though I fear I may be starting to sound like an old school hippy preaching peace and love, well actually I hope I am because as I said  we all need more love, selfless love. I love what being in love can do to you. It, and this is true love I refer to; it see’s beyond the physical, it cares not for a ripped body or a beautiful face, it see’s beyond all of those temporary  and superficial things and stares directly at the real. It connects souls to souls in unbreakable timeless bonds.

I don’t even know if I have remotely expressed what I think love is and what it means to mean, I just like talking about it and what it can do for us all. I like that I have love in my life and anyone that feels that they don’t I can tell you now that you have more love in your world than you realise.

I am lucky to have had so much love in my life and from so many different places. My friends, my best friend, my family, my daughter, the role models of love my parents. The passions, interests and hobbies I have experienced so far and all of those yet to come. My lovers and partners, albeit now historic but we shared  and created love. With my life now moving into a new chapter you may ask how I feel about the prospect of new love and the answer is simple;

I am already always in love.

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