So, we do things. We plan and calculate paths we want to take but more often than not life will send us a few revisions of these plans and will generally fail to inform us that change is a-coming. My life was, as I saw it; sorted. I had a house that I could never see myself moving from, I had a daughter that was and of course still is a joy to watch grow up, I had a very well paid job albeit one I hated but i was able to work it around my life and I had a partner that quite honestly…I lost myself in. For me, change was all done with.
But no, life had other plans, big plans and not so nice plans. It put me through the mill, then the blender, then the press, then the dryer and then anything else it could think of and I began to lose various pieces of my life. I was, in not quite so hot shape. Broken, lost. It’s only now, now time has passed I can see that every scrap of pain, every tear, every scream and every single apparent dead end was deliberate. It was necessary and needed. As people it takes us trauma and heartache to see what we have and what life and love can be, and more importantly what it should be.
Something has changed again for me. It was scheduled or planned but it just ‘happened’ and that was I felt I didn’t want to talk over and over again about this chapter of my life. To me now it is stale, it is regurgitation and The Evolution of Me wasn’t ever meant to flog dead horses. It was to help me heal, it was to be an outlet for my pain and it was to be a channel for others to connect with and to help. A place to relate and listen. A place that said you are not alone, regardless of what you are going through and however dark these days may seem and feel you will emerge on the other side into brighter days. I am as I always will be, a regular guy. My story is not different nor special. It is just my story. I am neither a victim nor a villain. I just wanted the pain to end and find out if I could be happy again.
So I have found myself at another crossroads but this time it is up to me to investigate the change. It’s to make what I do here have real meaning beyond my story. The people I speak to when we interact about this channel are mind blowing. Their journeys are so relatable and even though they are individual to them each and every subject matter is something any of us have, can, will or may go through. It is time to leave port and set a new course. I know that elements of the origins of my tale will more than likely show interest in what I am doing. The podcast analytics have made that very clear but that is just a fragment, an insignificance. Just as closing those doors on all of my social channels from histories prying eyes was a measure I thought I needed to take to protect myself, in this modern age it seems if people want to keep track of you they will find a way. There was a switch that flipped though, one of those mind switches that changes how you see and think about things and it has happened for me. I see it now as to take this in a new direction, the body of The Evolution of Me is and always will be about a voice, an expression, an outlet. I created a platform that enabled me to heal and it is time to open the doors on it.
Although this is I guess what you could call my ‘safe place’ and it is a vocal diary that no doubt I will use for the rest of my life I want it to be primarily a place of inspiration, of motivation. Journeys and how people on this planet cope, how they motivate and push themselves forward day in day out. Not purely through hardship but in the quest to achieve goals, to break down barriers and never quit. That is maybe something I think we fail to understand. If you quit all you are doing is at best hitting the pause button but more than likely hitting rewind. Quitting is the easy option, it’s a get out that we drape a flimsy excuse over to attempt to justify our decision. It’s hard. Life is hard and as amazing as those good things are they are short lived if you do not challenge yourself. Life is a mugging, it is someone taking your wedding ring, it is a kick when you are down time and time again until you decide it is enough. Until you decide to make change happen. Life wont care if it’s hit you so many times that every bone in your body is broken, it wont care that you can’t breath, it will just keep coming like it or not.
You have to change what is happening to you, you have to decide that you don’t care how much it is going to hurt, you don’t care how long it’s going to take because you now know that nothing will ever be as painful as knowing you didn’t try, that you let life dictate to you how your life was going to be.
Not on my watch, not with a single working cell in our bodies will we stop pushing. It’s the ultimate boxing match with infinite rounds with an apparently unbeatable opponent. But this opponent has it’s own weakness, it’s own flaws. It underestimates you, it doesn’t know you, it thinks you are weak, broken. It doesn’t understand how powerful you are or how strong you have become. That is your key to victory because life can never be you, it can never take what you are away. You tell life what you are going to be. You might get there today, you might get there tomorrow or the day after but life underestimated you and you are taking the fight to life and you will not stop until you achieve what you have set out to. Your life, your happiness is yours to decide. It always must be. Don’t settle for anything short of exactly what you want and when you get it, don’t stop. Raise the bar and go again.
This is my lesson. Pain, tears, being broken into a billion pieces aren’t the constant to life they are guides, the tools to prepare us to see what life can be. I am not there but I will be because I see what is possible. Life can be a roll of the dice but there is nothing stopping you from picking up those dice again and again until you roll what you want.
Don’t settle, life is going to make you suffer regardless so suffer on your terms. Suffer for you and your own goals and dreams. Just don’t quit, even when there isn’t a scrap of evidence around you that what you are doing is right or working or even worth while. Then, look inside yourself and see it, feel it, know it.
It will happen, don’t quit. Ever.